19 Life Lessons from a 19yr Old Who Definitely Needs a Life

"Well the years start coming and they don't stop coming" 

Last month, I turned 19, and it wasn't a big deal. No seriously, it wasn't, because let's be honest leveling up to 19 isn't that significant. It's not like turning 18, where suddenly you're this teenager-adult hybrid who can get away with not having a plan for their future. You're at this weird stage in your life where you've been out of high school for a year now, and are almost expected to have figured out your retirement plan & whether you want to be buried or cremated. A friend of mine equated turning 19 to what being the middle child was like; you're not as wild as everyone's favourite youngling, but you're also not as sophisticated and dignified as the "poster child". You're just sort of doing your own thing.

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This got me thinking; "In my 19 years, what have been the biggest life lessons that I've learnt? I mean, if I'm expected to "do my own thing", then surely I must have an opinion or two." Luckily, I'm Tanya and I most definitely had an opinion, so I thought it would be fun to compile and present them to see if anyone else had similar stories to share.

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So, here are "Tanya's 19 Life Lessons That She Learnt in 19 Years" (of course keeping in mind that these aren't in chronological order, because otherwise I would have had my life together by the time I was 3).

ENJOY!
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1.             There is No Refund For a Life Poorly Lived

You cannot re-live days, you cannot re-live moments, so why are you wasting what precious time you have left? Ask yourself every night, “How has this day contributed to my happiness?” Write down your dreams, aspirations and goals, and go fight for them. Wake up everyday with a sense of urgency; a motiving, compelling & infatuating desire to get stuff done because one day you’ll look back and realise how exciting life is when you are an active participant.  

2.             Life is Hard

I understand that I'm not old enough to give a real heart-to-heart on the difficulties in life or even remotely wise enough to have strong opinions on this topic, however I will say this much:

That the picturesque narrative that is constantly portrayed in the media is nothing but a well-constructed mirage used to sell a self-help book that supposedly has all the answers. According to this notion, if you buy specific products, partake in specific activities and are friends with specific people then your life will be nothing short of amazing and trouble-free... but here's the thing, there is no guarantee.

Yes, there are certain behaviours you can employ to mitigate the extent to which life is difficult, but don’t buy into this idea that once you arrive at this place of “safety” that nothing bad will ever happen again. Life is difficult regardless of whether you follow someone else’s idea of happiness, or if you choose to dance to the beat of own your drum. 

3.             Success comes in many forms

Your definition of success doesn't apply to anyone else, because we all want different things in life.  This is a liberating thought as it not only means that you are the driver of your own life, but that you are also the architect of the life you want to live. You are the creator of the car, the road, the journey and the destination. Sure, there are instances where your goals may superficially seem similar to someone else’s, but what they mean to you and the intricacy of how they make you feel cannot be replicated, as these feelings are unique.  

4.             The Past is the Past. 

We all do and say dumb things; it's sort of a given. Nobody escapes the creation of his or her personal gag reel, but you do choose whether you learn from your mistakes. Your past is an indicator of what you have been through, but that doesn’t define who you are or who you will be. The past is the past; it is not the future.

Now I wouldn't be caught dead in a yellow dress!

5.            Surround Yourself With Good Company

Surround yourself with people who challenge you. Those people who know when you’re not giving it your all. People who will hold your hand in the beginning and who will be your cheerleaders when you stand tall. 

Be around people who make you laugh, who make you smile, and who make you feel alive. Be around people who at every step of the way know how to have a good time.

Welcome those who will speak kindly of you, those who will remember you even after you are gone. Welcome those who show nothing but love, those you can count on even during the early hours of dawn. 

 

This is probably one of the only photos I have of the gang (YR12 Formal )

6.             Operate From a Space of Love

"If you love what you do, you will never work a day in your life." - Marc Anthony   

7.             Unselfish Art of Prioritising Yourself

I’m lucky to be living in a time where the stereotypes surrounding mental illness aren’t as toxic as they were in the past. This means that having a conversation about mental health is a lot easier and more effective because we are able to openly talk about our experiences. Upon conversing with a number of people about their stories, I realised that prioritising yourself is important as it allows you to properly understand your mental state. Employing healthy habits, speaking to family/friends and seeking professional help, are all ways to keep yourself as a priority.

8.             "Get busy living or get busy dying"

In the end, you’ll be remembered for the stuff that you accomplished, not the things you dreamt of accomplishing. Either you take those dreams and make them a reality, or you can start collecting ideas that will cease to exist the moment you do.  By being an active participant in your life, you’ll be able to exercise these ideas and have access to new opportunities and experience exciting adventures. It is only when you become preoccupied with your life, will you start truly living.

9.             Be Proactive, not Reactive

Take the initiative to anticipate your shortcomings so you won’t be caught off guard when they affect you. This way you can deal with issues rationally and level-headed.

10.         Stop Dreaming and Start Doing

Shia LaBeouf said it best, “Do it, just do it! Don’t let your dreams be dreams. Yesterday you said tomorrow. So just do it! Make your dreams come true. Just do it. Some people dream of success, while you’re going to wake up and work hard at it. Nothing is impossible… you should get to the point where anyone else would quit and you’re not going to stop there. NO! What are you waiting for?! DO IT! JUST DO IT! YES YOU CAN! JUST DO IT! If you’re tired of starting over, stop giving up.”

11.          “Don’t worry: it’s just history repeating itself”

The most important lesson I learnt in my YR12 Ancient History class, was that mankind is condemned to repeat history if nothing is learnt from previous mistakes. In lieu of recent events, this lesson hits close to home, and is a reminder that we shouldn’t romanticise the past but see it for what it is; a reminder of our inherent capability for evil.

12.          Be Yourself

“Life is the most difficult exam. Many people fail because they try to copy others, not realising that everyone has a different question paper.” - Unknown

I can also do "Blue Steel" & "Le Tigre".

13.         Find Something That Humbles You

We all have our methods that we use to ground ourselves in times of distress. Some people pray, while others meditate, however it’s this overarching concept, that standing in the midst of it all and just 'being', that resonates with us all. For me, I find comfort in gazing up at a clear, night sky and being overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of my insignificance. Sure, it can be a terrifying realisation, but slowly you begin to appreciate the fact that your problems are ant-like when compared to the rest of the universe.

14.         “Most people don't know what they are doing, so take a minute to breathe; you're doing fine.”

When I was in high school, one of my biggest concerns was that I wasn’t “high-schooling” right. I had a preconceived idea of what it meant to be a teenager, and I constantly felt like I wasn’t living up to a certain standard, but here’s the thing…  nobody actually knows what they are doing. This “standard” that I thought everyone knew of, was just my perception of reality: a deceptive perception. What I didn’t realise then, was that there isn’t a manual to how you should lead your life. Sure, society will give you suggestions (at times very strongly) but at the end of the day they are just suggestions, again from people who were suggested the same thing. So it’s okay if you need extra help with an assignment question or if you need time to re-evaluate things, so long as you’re making progress towards your goal, things will work out.

15.         Have F-U-N!

I feel like everything I’ve said up until this point has been rather serious, and that’s a shame because you should never underestimate the importance of having some fun! Happiness is living a free life, where you’re able to laugh at yourself and live out an adventure. It’s about keeping your inner child satiated, and never losing that sense of curiosity we use to navigate the world.

Mid-cancan (Opera House 2014)

16.    Words Matter. Actions Count. So Check Yourself Before You Wreck Someone Else.

Often it’s the little things that leave the biggest impressions: a passing comment, the slight raise of an eyebrow or even the silence in a conversation. I’m not suggesting that one must constantly monitor the explicit & implicit messages their body is sending, however I do think it’s important to realise the significance of these signals. The better aware we are of them, the more thought provoking and authentic our dialogues will become.

17.         LISTEN

When you are present and are attentively listening to somebody, you not only hear their words but you feel the emotions they are trying to convey; you begin to understand their reasoning and you become part of their message. 

18.         Consistency, Perseverance, Self-Discipline

Dreams aren't achieved overnight. Results don't show instantly. Everything meaningful and truly fulfilling takes time and a whole lot of effort. You have to be motivated to wake up every morning, be willing to run that extra kilometre and be driven to submit that extra essay draft in order to one day wake up and realise that you have achieved your goals. It’s not easy, and there will be obstacles, but that’s what will make life interesting and the feeling of success worth it. 

19.         Nobody Gets Out of Life Alive.

There is an unusual sense of comfort in realising that in face of all of life’s uncertainties, one thing is guaranteed; death. It can either be a motivator to get your affairs in order, a depressor that renders you feeling helpless or a simple fact you acknowledged long ago. In spite of your best efforts though, death does not care whether you have accepted it; it’s just a part of living.

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